Let's start from the beginning

It seems a virus has debilitated me temporarily, so I've taken the week off from work. Oh, how amazing 'tis.
Well, since I have no fresh work stories, I'll take this time to educate the masses.

It's called....
MANNERS WHEN EATING AT A RESTAURANT!

As we all know, I pretty much suck dick for tips. Not, not literally. But you see my point. I have no reason to be mean to you. I have no incentive to not be nice to you, because, you are, after all, paying me for my service. So, please leave your nasty attitude at home, and refrain from being snotty or condescending. Because honestly, I'm the sweetest person you'll ever meet if you actually get off that cell phone and take time to acknowledge my existence.

Let's start with seating.
A hostess or manager will seat you. I understand a 4top table is much more comfortable than a 2 top table; however, my section has limited space. And if you would just sit at your assigned table, I'll be able to make money, seeing as a family of 4 cannot sit at a 2top, and they will likely order more food than you 2.
It's especially frustrating on a busy dinner shift when you and your friend hog my 4top for a cup of coffee and a sandwich. I don't have a problem with you, or your order, I have a problem with where you're sitting.
In short... please just listen to the hostess.

#2. Ahh, the greeting. As you should damn well already know, I'm going to make an appearance shortly after your seating. This is standard restaurant operation. I am simply coming to introduce myself, welcome you, and take your drink order.
So, please don't snap at me the second I make my appearance.
All too often, I hear "Sweetie, WE JUST SAT DOWN." Yes, I can see that. It is, after all, my job. You don't need to tell me "We just got here! we're not ready yet!" Clearly. I'm not blind. Once again, I'm coming to take your drink order. This has probably happened to you hundreds of times. When you do this, you appear as though you have never been to a restaurant, or for that matter, seen one on TV.

Well, as stated, I'm going to start off by asking you a question.
It's a question you've undoubtedly been asked millions of times throughout your life time. So don't act as though I've caught you off guard when I ask "Hi there, how's it going?"
This question brings several responses.
The normal response, that normal coherent human beings favor is something along the lines of "I'm fine thanks, how are you?" Or hell, you don't even need to ask me how I am. Just answer the damn question!
I mean, gosh, I am being paid $2.13 an hour to talk to you. It isn't a rhetorical question. I'm asking how you are.
Unfortunately, an alarming amount of people are unable to answer that question.
They stare back at me, bewildered by my question. Or perhaps, return their gaze to their menus.
It takes one word "Good" "bad" "ok" "fine" "swell." I'll be satisfied with anything.
Except of course, when your emotion is in the form of a drink.
Me: Hi sir, how's it going?"
Man: Dt Pepsi No ice.

I couldn't tell you if that's good, bad, in between.
I didn't ask what you wanted to drink asshole, I asked how you're doing.
Relax, I'm going to ask you for your drink order in a second. But Jesus Christ, can't a girl be sweet and considerate?
Hi, how's it going?
Decaf coffee with milk.
Way to show me that you can't even be bothered to listen to me when I'm talking to you.

Most normal human beings know that closing your menus means you are ready to order. If you aren't ready to order, show me that you're actually trying to decide. If your menu is closed, don't act so shocked and or offended when I walk over and try to assist you by taking your order.
This goes both ways of course. If you are ready to order, but decide to read the menu for the next 20 minutes, I'm going to assume you're still deciding. So don't act all hot and bothered when I can't read your mind and know that you wanted to order 15 minutes ago. Psycho.

I know this is all so new and difficult.
So that's where I'll leave off.
Until next time!

Welcome to WayWord Waitress! Can I start you off with some drinks?

You think you know. But you couldn't be further from the truth.
Until you've put on the goofy shirt and fake smile, you remain completely ignorant to life behind the apron.

For every shift, there is a story.
I hope you find as much entertainment in these stories as I do.
For me, they're more than just tales of dumb customers and bitter alcoholics that I have the unfortunate displeasure of calling my co-workers. This is my life.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Enjoy!